...and I have been wrestling with the idea of what I was going to do.
As always happens, when I am home I feel Ok, not great, not totally confident in myself, but Ok. I went to the mall today with my Mom and a friend to do some Christmas shopping. I was a mess in Penney's. I was uneasy, I was very timid, because I couldn't stand the people rushing around. Anxiety was an understatement. I did ok, but I was anxious to get home.
This is similar to how I felt last week, when some friends asked that we join them in a tree lighting ceremony in the next town. It was crowded, and I needed to hold on to someone. I was embarrassed, because people who were very able (which I used to be) had to hold my hand so that I didn't feel uneasy.
I don't think this is how someone should feel at my age, in public. I forget that I do feel that way, because I don't put myself in those situations often. I go to the supermarket, but George goes with me, and if I need him to hold on to, he is always there.
I am not sure it will matter much how I feel, because it hasn't in the past, but I am going to stand by my conviction...
I will let you know how it goes.
2 comments:
some days aren´t so good, some are realy bad, but something in us keeps us going , don´t worry about what people think of you, well they dont have these bleednings in their brain stems, and they can judge us when they have walked a mile in our shoes
I hope your appointment goes well <3
I missed your post somehow, Heidi. Grabbing onto people for support, whether they mind it or not is incredibly hard emotionally. People also stare because they don't understand.
When I went into my favorite store after my injury, I had to be careful, to hold onto Jesse and shelves, so that I did not fall over. Jesse did not get it at all, and it still ticks me off a little. It's like putting a child who has never ridden a bicycle onto one and expected them to do just fine.
I hope too that your appointment goes well. Please let us know how it goes.
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