Well it is Tuesday... and the appointment came and went...

... and the doctor said he thinks I need to do something about the cavernoma.  He suggested Gamma Knife Surgery... that is his thing, and I am totally against that.  Only because, ultimately you end up doing regular surgery anyway... and usually because things got worse than they were before the surgery.

What he said was, since I am stable, and not in a good way, but worse than I was a year ago, and the fact that I am only 52, this thing could stay the way it is for 10 years, or I could take a bad turn in a year. 

Now mind you, this I knew already, I have wrestled with this already, in depth.  That isn't fixing the problem at hand.  However, the doctor did say, he couldn't speak for me, since he isn't experiencing the neurological deficits that I am.

He explained the Gamma Knife Surgery would only take me out of commission for one day, and I would be back at work the next day.  Where as the surgery (Craniotomy), would be 2-3 months recuperation, and then I could be better than before.  Now that is not what Dr. Spetzler's office said.  He said I might have increased double vision afterward.  Let me also say that if I had the surgery, I would want Dr. Spetzler to do it.

What I also explained to the Dr., was, that I have my 86 year old mother living with me, and my husband.  My husband had a stroke 3 years ago, and where he might be totally capable of taking care of himself, he could not take care of my Mom, and quite honestly, and I told him this also, he would not be able to care for himself, my Mom, the house, all the animals, and me for 3 months.  And this is if everything went fine and as planned.

God I hate this...I know I am a control freak, but, let me add, a lot of the time it is because I have had to be, and that is something to take into consideration before people cast stones.

So he took me off for another 3 months to make a decision.  No pressure... Yea Right!

What kills me is this... And let me add, I am not a lazy person by any stretch of the imagination.  I am pretty ambitious.  I have been off work since July.  Since then I have had to worry about the proper documentation getting to the right person, and that they will respond in the right amount of time, and actively work to get this information to the proper individuals approximately 8 times.  That means that out of the 6 months I have been out of work, I haven't had one full month when I haven't had to worry that something wasn't going to be addressed in a timely fashion.  And why would I worry you ask... because if it wasn't done, ultimately the blame would come back to me, saying that it was my responsibility to make sure it got done.  Just one example of why I am considered a control freak.  The way I look at it, I really don't have a choice.

But, I also look at it as...it is pretty obvious what the situation is... and there aren't any screw ups, or wishful thinking, or Freudian mistakes that will make it otherwise.

So now, I have to have one set of papers sent to one place, another set of papers sent to another place, and all the sets of papers will say the same thing that they said six months ago, and the other four times they were sent out.  And each set of papers that are sent or received or read are time sensitive, both for when they are sent and when they are responded to. Not to sound like a broken record, but...they all say the same thing!!!

Anyway... that is the story in a nutshell.  Same old same old, if you read back on my past posts.  Quite honestly, it is boring even to me...  Yup I need a vacation, a long pampering, relaxing, care free vacation.  What are the chances of that happening...?