What a week it has been!!!

Driving evaluation was Tuesday, what a week... Well, first let me say that the driving evaluation is the same one that SENIOR CITIZENS go through.  I am 52. 

That being said, the road test was about 30 minutes long.  It was in a Hyundai Accent.  It was automatic transmission, good, since that is what my car is, automatic that is.  I drive a 2008 Volkswagen Rabbit.  Although, I could have driven a stick.  (Nothing like tooting your own horn!) 

As far as how I did... well, they said I was aggressive, and I am not making excuses... but I was aggressive on my bicycle too.  Personally I think I was preoccupied.  Does that make sense?  I was trying to do my best.. really was.  Anyway, on two occasions, I traveled too close to the left side of the road.  Which is funny because when I drove with George, he said I hugged the right side of the road.  I don't think it was over compensation, I think it was just that my sense of center was off, because the evaluator also stated that I rode on the line also, or straddled the center line.  The inside part of the test, at the computer, well there were 6 parts.  4 of them I came in as average for my age group, and 2 of them I came in as below average.  Most of these were testing judgment and reaction times. 

Now, all that equals to they passed me.  Now this information is not shared with the state licensing department, it is up to my doctor to take these test results and interpret them, with my situation, and contact the state capitol or not.

My husband made a very interesting observation.  This eval, both road test and simulator, were the only things I did that day... I slept in, no stress or rushing (other than my aggressiveness...lol), and I was trying to do my best... now couple all that with working, keeping my house, caring for my family, traffic, etc... well needless to say I don't think I would do that well.  I also want to add, I was exhausted after wards.

Now, it is Veteran's day, and I think my doctor's office is closed... and actually I think that is ok...  I think that business should close for more holidays.  Hopefully I will hear something by next week.  Especially since my last authorized day off is the 19th.  That is another story altogether...

So really, I really am not at a different point than I was before the evaluation.   I am convinced this is going to be a big deal, and will take a long time to work out.

I can't see, my eyes do what they want.  I have to work very hard for them to focus on one thing, and it really does exhaust me. 

Oh, and Schatzie, (Mom's dog) well, she has diabetes.  It is apparently pretty bad.  She has ketones in her urine, and her blood glucose is staying consistently at 400 or higher.  So they have her on fluids, and are monitoring her blood sugar, and her urine, and she is on regular insulin, and if all goes well, no seizures and no problems, she will be home tomorrow, and I will be giving her long acting insulin twice a day. 

However my research on ketones in her urine, which almost always amounts to ketoacidosis.  Now this isn't good, but, we will hope that it gets better. 

So as you can see, between Mathie (my dog) and the fact that she is getting old, and doesn't want to be away from my side.  Mom, George, this deal with my health, my employment and now Schatzie... I have my hands full.  Hopefully this stuff with Schatzie will go well.

Today is my Driving Evaluation

Today is my driving evaluation.  2 hours of testing, including a road test.  Not sure how this will go but I am grateful that someone had the wear with all to suggest it.  I didn't know it existed actually.

I went to Dr. Pal yesterday, Mom and I.  Our eye health is stable at the moment, so we don't go back for a few months.  She did hear from the Neuro-Ophthalmologist, and she (the Neuro) said she didn't want to make any decision until she reviews additional records.  Now I don't understand that... but, who cares... it really doesn't matter what she thinks or says anyway.  Hate to sound so rude, but that is how I feel, and I don't have the time to think any other way.

My sister is coming down for Thanksgiving...which is nice.

And... it is now 7 working days away from when my job authorized my time off to end.  What does that mean... to be honest I don't really know... I guess I will find out shortly huh?

Ok, it is two days after election day...

.. and I have to admit... I am pretty bummed out...We here in Florida in IMHO got a bum deal... 

I really want to get out of this state, because this has been the tide for a long time.  I used to be involved in politics, and I just invested too much of myself into it. 

I guess I could get involved with Angioma Alliance, and work towards that, but currently, my head is all caught up in my job.

I went to the movies today with Mom.  Just Mom and I which is hard enough, because she walks very slow, and I am very anxious when ever I go out by myself, because I really can't see, and Mom can't really see.. so we make a great pair.

Besides... I find myself feeling guilty because there supposedly is a job for me to go back to... and I look normal... or I think I do.  I can't work as fast as I would like to...and that is no where fast enough for the company I work for.  So... I have 3 choices. 1)  I can continue to feel guilty about taking my Mom out to the movies, and looking normal, but not being normal, while I am on disability. 2)  I can stay home and not go out because I am on disability, and I will feel guilty.   3)  I can attempt to return to work, not work at the productivity level they require me to, get fired, and still not be able to work.  Possibly collect un-employment for a short period of time, all in all that would destroy our family... Truly destroy it.

As I said two days ago, I am going for a driving evaluation on Tuesday... $250.00, paying that myself, since Insurance won't cover it and I am not sure what will happen next.  My authorized time off from work is up to 11-19-10, and I am not allowed to return without a clearance from my neurosurgeon, which I can't get till I see him and my appointment is 1 month later.  So that means, I can not return to work, my date of return from my neurosurgeon is 1-3-11.  So... they could in all rights, since this is a right to work state, or a free will to work state, what ever it is called, it is a screw the employee state, and it is getting worse, and 11-2-10 proved that...

So aside from my guilt, and my worries this is not a good time for me.  Not at all...

Oh well... 

Today I had another Dr.'s appointment....

... and for the first time I felt like someone listened to me, and asked me questions, instead of giving me a blank stare, and talking at me...

This is the first time, ever... I mean ever, that someone suggested I have my driving evaluated.  I have been struggling with dizziness, and double vision, and have had specialists tell me that I have a real issue, and they are surprised that I don't have worse problems than I already have, but yet when I try to tell them about my vision, and falling, and what not, I get blank stares...and they suddenly become speechless.

I told George the other day that I thought I was nuts.   Sorry, I hope that didn't offend anyone... It wasn't meant to.  I honestly feel that way.  I go through feeling guilty for not feeling right...(not right and left or red and blue right...LOL..just kidding, btw... I am left!)  I have been dealing with this now since the end of June.  Finally I had some validation to my complaints, in the form of an MRI  (which by the way was not a plus for me to find out... just validation), the dizziness and double vision I was having was justified...  But to what end?

And by the way... this is not saying that all my prayers have been answered... this is only saying that someone is taking me seriously.  I am grateful that someone is taking me seriously, and not blowing me off because this is difficult, and they really don't want to deal with it...

More to come