Ok, tell me if I am wrong... Maybe I am, but I am not really a selfish person... but I need to understand something...
This is my situation... I am 51, got married almost 3 year ago for the first time. After... my husband, then boyfriend had a stroke. I had to take off from work 4 weeks before I got married, 10 days of those 4 weeks, we spent in a hospital, with no rights what so ever, except for the good will of a few nurses and doctors, who allowed me to be involved to the extent that I was. The next 3 months of my life were spent, being a Physical Therapist, advocate, chauffeur, cook, maid, and partner to my husband.
Then I went back to work for the only, and I mean only income we were taking into our home for the next 10 months. Needless to say, we went through close to $40,000.00 in savings. My husband then went back to work for about a year, really less because the first month was only part time. After that, he took early retirement, with a pension, but far less income than he brought home before he went to work.
One month before he retired, however 4 months before, we decided to bring my Mother (84 at the time, lived alone) down to live with us. So since April, we have had my Mother living with us. Since June, I have been the the main bread winner, working every day, full time, driving 45 minutes to work and back, then coming home, cooking dinner, cleaning up, and then giving myself about 1 hour of relaxation for the day. My husband who was going to find another income, hasn't. On the weekends, I need to clean the house, which included 3.5 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, laundry, etc. I really for the most part don't get alot of help. On Saturday mornings I take my Mother to get her hair done. I get up at 8:00, and from 9:00 to 10:55 I am coaxing her and helping her to get ready. I kid you not... that is almost 3 hours of nagging, for the most part, helping in and out of the shower, laying out clothes. Mainly because if I didn't, it would take more than 1 hour to get her ready to leave the house.
Needless to say... I am tired. Very tired. So tired as a matter of fact, I am finding myself close to tears when I think about what I have to do...
I often think that I will not live very long living like this. And needless to say... I don't want to work like a dog, only to find myself in a position of finding myself at the end of my life. If you know what I mean...
Because between you and me...it will all be for naught. My husband is not the type to be on his own. He will find someone else, and then all I worked for will be enjoyed by someone, and all though that might sound selfish.. it is what I feel, and I think part of it is out of resentment.
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