The weekend had gone by... it is Monday, and no word from my sister yet. Well, there is word, but nothing that tells me anything. In fact that is probably the way she wants it. I have come to accept that this has become a game. One that she feels there is a winner or a loser. Of course if she is the loser, so to speak, she wins, because she showed me... How ever if she is the winner, I of course then lose.
That may not make any sense. At first glance it doesn't to me, but it does if you really want to think about it... Which believe me is not worth it. Suffice it to say, either way I come out the loser. Well, I am tired of playing games, and trying to figure out what to say, when to say it, or if I should say it at all. The decision has always been don't say anything, it isn't worth it. The re-precaution is the what you have to deal with in the end is just not worth it, and eventually you will have to deal with it anyway, so you might as well put it off. See there is no PRO-active action that can be taken here. By the way I have tried.
This brings me to another topic. The stress of all this. Stress is not something that I handle well, for a number of reasons. It causes me to lose sleep, become irritable, and last but certainly not least... it is not good for my health. One of the reasons I am not working. This fact seems to get lost with my sister. I am speaking of course of my brain stem Angioma. I am told that I have had this my whole life, and it was in fact found by accident back in 1998. A CT picked it up. The CT was done to rule out aneurysm or brain tumors. It did however find the Angioma. It was small at the time, less than 5 mm. That was in 1996. I was told that the headaches were migraines, which are hereditary, and since my Mother suffered from them, it made perfect sense.
I had another CT in 2001, and it said that nothing had changed. I was satisfied, deciding that this Angioma was just what the doctors had said in 1996. It was genetic, had it all my life, and probably wouldn't know I had it for the rest of my life. In other words this is just incidental information.
Fast forward to 2005. At the time I was dealing with a very stressful situation, by Dad having had his last stroke. Of course lots of stuff happened in between. I am not going into that right now. It was August, and I received a particularly disturbing call from my Mom, while I was at work. I became extremely irritated. Well that is an understatement. What I can tell you is that my blood pressure shot up very fast, and I had a terrible headache when I hung up the phone. It was a Friday. I went home, still complaining about my head, had dinner and went to bed. I woke up the following morning and I felt dizzy. I ignored it and went bowling. Before the night was out, I couldn't walk a straight line, was holding my head at a angle, and my face was distorted. Everyone that looked at me said, "Are you sure we shouldn't take you to the emergency room? Just to make sure you aren't having a stroke." I laughed, told them not to be silly. My Dad had strokes, this was not a stroke. I was just a little bit dizzy, and this is how it was manifesting itself in my behavior...
Of course the rest you can read in the history of this blog. It is now 2012, the Angioma on last MRI (2010) is 15mm. I am not working, not driving, and still dizzy.... all the time. I still suffer migraines, although not as often as before. Actually, when the stress levels rise. I try to control that as best possible. I have been told by one Neurosurgeon, that the migraines/stress headaches, are not related to the Angioma. I don't think I agree with him, and honestly, does it really matter. What is important is that I control my stress and in doing so control my migraines. The migraines do cause me to be dizzy, and I have read that others with Angioma's control their headaches with Imitrex or the generic.
So, that is my story, for now. That being said, I am going to take Schatzie on the trail for a walk with my husband. I will keep you posted.
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